Sleepless Nights and Lonely Days

Ok, forget the lonely days. Yesterday, November 29th and today the 30th I've been restless all night and hungry. Hormones? Wish I could remember when this happened last time. Look at time schedule... a day I came in at 11?
Ok, just trying to keep track.

Date Log 11/27/06: Week 8 of the New Drug Study

Yea! Dr. Duvic was happy w/my obvious improvement of my skin. The bumps/pebbles/sugar pops are less. I'm whiter... and this white woman can dance!

However, I don't know what my numbers are. I did a blood draw (well really about 8 vials) to see what my numbers will be... the cd4/cd8 & sezary cell count. These tests really tell the story BECAUSE I can't what. Why do I say this? Because I have 100 degree fever and am sick. Which I wasn't even aware. This is not good because this is what will put you in the hospital. So even though my skin is looking better I'm still very auto immune compromised. So I'm back on antibiotics which makes me more immune compromised which ... well you get the idea.

so good news and bad news. Pray that I will find a way to build up my immune system ... a way that won't cost me money having to go to a herbalist and spending lots of money on herbs. It always seems it costs money to be healthy naturally. Ok, I don't think I'm making much sense but thanks for listening to me.

Romans 8:5-8

We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!
26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

29-30 God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him.

If I go thru hard times with you I will certainly go thru good times with you. Help me to believe and hang on to that. And anticipate how much better the good times are going to be!

5:3-5 There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

I SHOUT TO THE LORD WITH THANKSGIVING AND PRAISES. THANK YOU JESUS FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE IN YOUR SUFFERINGS.

Now can you just stop the itching and coldness :) . I love you, Lord!!!!

Stress at Work

On Monday, November 20th, I came to work and checked in with Elizabeth to see how the Macro was running. She and I discussed several things. I then went to see Bonnie about my office. On the way I ran into Linda E. and asked her the person's name who would be giving me the rest of my sick leave pool. i then went to my office, Bonnie and I discussed what I needed to do. David had asked me to stop by his office to talk about the Comnet I attended on the Friday before. I left the building remembering to contact Carol Dunigan, Andy M., getting my office packed, etc. As I got in my car to go to my chiropractor, I remembered I had forgotton to talk to David about the comnet,. when I called him, he said "Are you having trouble concentrating today?"

On Wednesday, November 22nd, Drs. Phillips and Howland both said they heard Patty was taking over my job. Specifically Dr. Phillips said he was going to miss me.

I feel this is extra stress being added to my life making it more difficult to concentrate. David wants me to be at work no later than 8:30 am. Is this reasonable? God I really really want to hear you on this. Will my health suffer if I do so? Am I taking advantage, using my cancer as an excuse to be lazy?

Here is something from Yahoo's health webpage:

You can help yourself cope with the changes in your memory by taking a few simple steps. You might want to:

Exercise your body. Aerobic exercise helps your mood and can make you feel more alert. Both can help you when it comes to concentrating.

Exercise your mind. Give your mind a workout by learning a new skill, such as a new language. Take a class or participate in a book club.

Track your memory problems. Keep a detailed diary of your memory problems throughout your day. Carry your diary with you and take quick notes on what medications you take and when. Note the time of day your memory problems occur and the situation.

Target specific problems. Use your daily diary to determine what influences your memory problems. If they tend to crop up in the early afternoon, you can prepare yourself by not scheduling meetings or deadlines at that time of day.

Take notes. Make a list of everything you need to accomplish today and use that as a guide.

Take detailed notes of things you need to remember.
Start a routine.

Put your keys or other commonly misplaced objects in the same place every time you set them down. Try to keep the same schedule every day.

Talk about your problems. Be open with your friends and family about what you're experiencing. Let them know your mind is moving a little slower these days and explain how they can help you. This can make you more relaxed and make it easier for you to think and process information.

Find the coping method that's best for you and stick to it. Talk to your doctor about your concerns. He or she might have some other suggestions.

Source: http://health.yahoo.com/topic/cancer/treatment/article/mayoclinic/A5316700-1E17-4A5C-9CDDE45709A643C0;_ylt=Ah_lhN5BRuW_qd3J5.w9H4lLvs8F

I feel stress is being added to me at work because I'm unsure what my employeers are trying to do. I feel I'm being "pushed" out.

I will get my job description to look at more closely and I will talk to someone, Al, John, maybe someone at MD Anderson about what rights I have to keep my job.
And of course talk to Dr. D about what I can do about my brain fog.

Son of David have mercy on my soul

Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!
Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!
Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!
Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!
Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!
Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!
Son of David have mercy on me!Son of David have mercy on me!